1. I don't give a fuck about making sure my pans don't get scratched. Or making sure her pans don't get scratched. I've decided the solution is to avoid using her pans at all costs. Basically, I am really in to avoiding problems rather than solving them when it comes to my living space.
2. I understand when someone doesn't want to spend time with me right this second. I'm that way too. But I get my feelings hurt when you don't want to spend time with me, but you find the time to ask me to change my behavior, even when the request itself is totally justified.
3. I'm a slob. I've always known this, but I held onto this illusion that I was only a slob in my room. Around the rest of the home, I'd be tidy! While I am tidier, I'm still not up to house standards.
4. Based on the standards of cleanliness, politeness, etc. that my housemates have exhibited so far, I will never ask them to change any behaviors. I'm not sure if this is because they are exemplary human beings, because my standards are low, or because I am just incredibly passive.
There are more, but basically they come down to this: sometimes I feel that I do not fit in, and sometimes I feel that I am too wimpy and passive, and both of those things make me feel sad, embarrassed, and a little resentful.
It will pass. I know it will. But that is why I am up here hiding in my room, sorting through my glumness in a consequence free zone, instead of going downstairs to get the dirty close basket that I left in the basement, the one that's been sitting there for over a week and that my housemate very politely asked me to move. The one that has the dress in it that I borrowed from my other housemate over a month ago, and still haven't washed yet.
This is the basic problem. I'm not living up to my own standards of how to treat other human beings - take care of what is borrowed, be courteous in their space, don't take something personally if that means lying to yourself about what the other person probably meant, to cover up for the fact that what they actually meant triggered a problem in you, not them.
I'm not treating them how I normally treat people, which embarrasses me. But I am treating them how I treat myself, and how I am happy to let them treat me, which makes me wish they'd get off my back.
No grand conclusions here. Just that I need to suck it up and do what they ask, or suck it up and explain it to them why I won't be doing what they ask.
Which is why I'm heading down to the basement to bring up my dirty, unwashed clothes. Maybe I should avoid borrowing clothes in the future.